A few months ago I was crashed, not the usual heartbreak; crying over a guy who left you kind of thing. It was something more and bigger than that. It was my career at stake. It was my pride. It was my dignity.
It is not just my heart that is ripped off, but all of me.
That night of March 10, 2014, as I walk down the stairs of ABS- CBN ELJ Building, right at the moment I laid my feet on the ground I started crying. I kept asking myself what I did wrong or what went wrong. It hasn't been even a month since I got hired but people are already judging me.
I was so afraid to tell everyone what happened, like I was thinking that maybe it was really my fault that they treated me that way. That I was the one wrong in the situation. That maybe it was real that I wasn't able to meet their so-called "standards". BUT , No. I know I did my best. I know that. I am speaking up because I think it's about time I release what I really have felt about what happened to me. Nobody deserves to be treated that way and I don't want any of you pass through the path I was in because I was so broken to the extent that I feel like I don't wanna pursue my dream anymore. But now, with the help of my family and friends and people who's always reminding me that life isn't always about winning and that, it's their loss and not mine.
It was exactly what I dreamed of, working in the media and in one of the biggest stations here in the Philippines. I was really passionate about what I'm doing though I know and believe that beginnings are always the hardest so I was thinking that I was having a hard time because that is just the start and soon enough I'll get used to it. I got pressured out of the 4 articles per day thing because I wasn't a born writer but as far as I know, I can write. So I was really getting myself adjusted by reading previous articles that are the same pattern as what I am going to write, and get inspiration from there. But every time I made them see my work they always wanted me to revise it and that they always tell me it wasn't good enough but as I check past write-ups it was just the same, my articles are way better than those actually.
I even asked some of my friends if I can interview them for my articles, so that they'll be happy I am doing something out from the ordinary. (Ordinary is getting news from entertainment websites and revising it and make it look like you own the story.) Many of them agreed, the store that I was about to feature already said yes to me and the following day, they told me about the tragic news, AND on that same day, I am supposed to interview Bamboo.
Few weeks after the incident, words from my boss kept echoing in my head like, "You weren't able to meet my standards." He can't even answer me when I asked him what was wrong with my articles or if it was the way I am writing them. He kept on saying that he'll figure it out with the head writer. Okay.
"You are out of focus", maybe at some point, yes. There are times I go to the office really late but that is not because I am lazy to get up or something, it was because I wasn't able to sleep enough for the reason I was finishing articles and drafting posts for the next day.
"You have to stop using your friends as connections, get out of your comfort zone". Heck who will I ask help if I needed an artist/celebrity interview for future articles? He kept on saying that I should write something out of the ordinary. But as I recently checked the MYX Website, there were no "out from the ordinary" articles. He gave me another week to prove myself, but I didn't accept it anymore because I know I already did my best.
"You Can't Please Everybody", these are the words that were stuck in my head by the time I decided I didn't want to continue anymore. The next day, I sent him a text that I am not accepting the one week deadline and never wanted to go back to that toxic, stressful, full of judgmental people workplace.
It took me months before I finally decided to let it out. To finally speak up, and I am sharing you my story not because I wanted you to feel pity on me or to make them look like they're the bad guys. No, not that. I am sharing this here on my blog for everyone to see because I wanted to be an inspiration to you. And the greatest lesson I have to learn is "You cannot please everybody".
:)
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