Recently, negative things about me spread like wildfire at my workplace. I know myself better than anybody else. I know it isn't true. But I have to admit that I was mostly affected with what happened. I felt the need to always look for what and where my fault is to why this has happened. News flash! There's none I can think of.
To find comfort, I had to assure myself that I still have a shoulder to lean on. I have been doing random meet ups with my friends to stay positive. I always needed company to remind me that the things they have been saying aren't about me but rather a reflection of who they really are. Aside from His small still voice, I also needed an audible voice to listen to to constantly remind me of who am I in Christ, Jesus. Though I was really tempted to give in to my flesh's desire; to defend myself, fuel up the fight, stand up and confront the ones who triggered my gun, but praise Him, I have endured the enemy's attack and I know that this battle is His, He never left my side, and He loves me so much that He made me understand who I am in Him.
I can say what happened was a wake up call. The Lord has been telling me to stay away from them long enough. But I realized that I was wrong to question Him. I thought these "friends" were the Lord's answer to my prayer when I asked Him to give me a reason to not quit my job. I trusted them so much that it hurts me because they have been spreading a lot of rumors about me. I heard so much but I made myself full of Him that they didn't hear back anything from me.
People suddenly started to ignore me. I started to do my daily routine at work alone (which is okay for me) to also find time to think things over. After a few days of enjoying "alone time," I decided to finally socialize with other people at work. Then here they are coming up with more things to say about me. Afraid that I might spill their beans. Well in fact, I have remained a true friend and have respected them all through out this issue and have not said a single word about their secrets. I still love them with the love of Christ.
I went to work continously with a heavy heart knowing that someone's trying to destroy me. I spent many sleepless nights praying and crying over the messages full of crap that they sent in our group chat, and going to work the next day pretending that nothing happened at all.
There were also times where they will talk aloud with their whole intention to make me hear that they were mocking me. I had to endure everything cause I'm afraid that if I open my mouth and defend myself, I swear I might reveal their deepest darkest secrets. But that's not who I am.
Like what I said a while ago, I was struggling. Wanting to fight, defend myself and speak up! But upon praying, the Lord told me that "He's got it" that this was just another trial I'll soon overcome. And that He is with me.
I am always so thankful that the Lord has changed me in so many ways now. Because through Him, I have learned to keep myself silent and let Him fight this battle. If this was the old me, I would've answered every bit of word that they have said against me, make myself look cheap, blackmail them, post a lot of stuff on social media, and a whole lot more. But thank You for Your grace and understanding, Lord. That I have become a better person after everything that I've been through. That things are far more better now than it was before. Just like what is said in the Bible, "God didn't promise a life without a storm but rather being with you while going through that storm."
I wanna thank everyone who has been constantly comforting me. To everyone who has been there for me, and to the new friends I gained while going through this phase in my life.
Funny how I always get to update the blog every after the storm.
I am writing this today because I can finally say, I am over it! Just like what I have written in my previous blogpost similar to this, I don't want you to pity me, I want you to gain inspiration to always trust the Lord in everything. Because He reveals Himself to anyone who seeks Him.
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